*WARNING* huge block 'o text!
Really, any self-promoting message is spam? When I think spam, my initial response is distaste for a pre-packaged message for an audience it may, or may not have relevance for. Saying that, however, if I put myself in the shoes of a category editor of a category as much… fun… as any one of the shopping categories (that poor word is really getting a work out), I could see such messages, no matter how well-intentioned, becoming a burden to the reader after a time.
Here's the most interesting argument I have for trying such a ploy: if they DO read it, it means they're interested. If they're interested, does it really hurt to tell them why you'd like to be listed, and what aspects of your site set it apart from others in the same category, after a little research? I mean, there are a few situations when, at first blush, your website may look good, you may have some very nice content, but, within the category that applies, another website has similar content. Not the same, but similar. If I were an editor, I would be inclined to decline the new website, in favor of the older, more established, and perhaps more authoritative site. If, however, the submitter provided a message which let me know exactly what made their site different from all the sites currently listed, it would give me a reason to go deeper than the first layer. Now, I'm not saying it would change my mind, but I would certainly give it a little more thought, if the message was well-written, acknowledged and conformed to the submission rules, and had an obvious element of personality.
But if I wasn't interested, or the message seemed pre-packaged, I would just mark it as spam. I would, perhaps, hold a small grudge against the submitter if I thought it was spam AND I saw the URL right in the subject line, but other than that, I wouldn't care, or just wouldn't know whose it was.
To me, considering the considerable workload faced by editors, and ever-more-subtle differences between sites, I would consider the risk worth it. Hey, even if they put it last, as long as it's a well made site, we're looking at months to years waiting anyways, and most webmasters will have plenty to do in the mean time.
On the other hand, this forum isn't hugely advertised, and it seems to get way more than it's fair share of abuse. Personal emails at anything close to the quality and frequency of the majority of posts here would drive me nuts, no matter how nice some of them were
Thanks guys.