There are a few steps I would suggest:
1. If your site is not suitable for inclusion in the directory - whether it is under construction, an affiliate link farm, presenting illegal content, or any other type of site which we do not list - please fix your site before contacting an editor.
2. Before you submit, make sure you have selected an appropriate category. Submitting to the wrong category is likely to cause significant delay in the listing of your site. Emailing to an editor won't necessarily help if all that editor can do is forward your misdirected site to an unreviewed queue in another part of the directory.
3. Check the "Last Update" time and date at the bottom of the directory page to which you submitted (scroll down to the very bottom of the page). If the date is recent, the page is probably being edited on a relatively consistent basis, and I suggest patience. If the date suggests that the category has not been edited for many months, there is greater cause for concern that the category is not actively edited.
4. Give it at least a couple of weeks (and I would encourage patience - about six weeks) before contacting an editor. When unreviewed queues are long, it can take a while for even an active editor to get to your site.
5. Be polite in your inquiry, and don't harass the editor. If you don't hear back, and yet your site is not listed within two weeks, only then consider contacting a different editor. Please do not simultaneously contact multiple editors. If you get a response from an editor, please don't argue with the editor. Polite follow-up is acceptable if you don't understand what the editor said (or why your site was excluded), but the ODP's guidelines are not negotiable.
6. If after contact with the category editor (with or without response) you have a good faith belief that you are being excluded by an abusive editor, send a complaint to a catmod for the hierarchy or to a meta editor (ideally, one who is named to the first or second level category of the hierarchy where the site was submitted) - see
http://dmoz.org/edoc/editall.html for a list of meta editors.
My personal practice when contacted by a submitter is to resolve the issue without replying to the inquiry. If this is not possible, I will usually respond with a short explanation of the situation. On some occasions when I have replied to the inquiry, I have ended up being harassed by the submitter. As much as I am pleased to assist those who are encountering trouble getting their legitimate sites listed, I will not assist submitters who engage in harassment.