We are considered defensive for several reasons:
By conservative estimates, half of the pople who come to this forum for a status check lie to us.
Many submitters, yourself included, yell at us when we do not do what they want us to do, even if their request is a clear violation of the forum rules.
About 90% of the people who post here don't read any of the instructions first, they just go ahead and post -- dogbows has made a career out of just adding clickable links for posters unable/unwilling to perforum that basic task. In your case she took it one step further and actually re-aded your site into the correct submission pool -- and you were so deep into arguing that you just blew her off. I bet that it sure makes her want to give up time away from her small business to want to help the next submitter, doesn't it?
By some estimates, more than half of the submission to the ODP are fraudulent. In some categories the number borders on 99%.
Most posters wrongfully assume that we are some sort of listing service and that they have a right to be listed where they want, when they want. Nothing, absolutly nothing, could be further from the truth. We are building a directory, using a global volunteer workforce, adding/moving/editng/deleting thousands of sites a day. If the ability to submit URLs for consideration were closed today, the building of this directory would not slow by one iota -- it would actually speed up because we would not have spam, incorrect submissions and incomplete websites to deal with. We are not swayed by the good works behind the website, the claimed market leadership, the financial hardships being faced, etc. We are swayed by correctly submitted websites that offer unique content that we can offer to those who surf our directory. Those are our customers, no one else.
So yes, you might say we are being defensive. We like to think that we are remaining on focus, building a great directory, and are not letting the shrill voices from those who contribute nothing deter us from our purpose.
We often use this analogy: submitters are the people who deliver the potatos to a nice restaurant. We expect them to deliver good quality potatos, appropriately packaged, and to come in and leave through the delivery entrance. The fact that they deliver potatos, and that we use potatos does not guarantee them a contract for life, it does not mean that potatos will be the featured item on our menu, it does not mean we will always serve potatos and it definitely does not give the deliveryperson the right to stand in the middle of our dining room because we don't prepare the potatos in a manner of his or her liking.